Issue #31 Vol. 35, September 8th, 2009
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Lettitor

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be film directors

By Liam Britten

As we’re all undoubtedly aware, it’s back to school time for students everywhere. If you weren’t aware... why the hell are you back to school? Your presence here makes no sense, I tells ya.

Anyways, we’re all here at Douglas for different reasons. For some, this is our first day of university transfer so we can pursue degrees; others are here just “taking classes” until we find out what we actually want to do; and some are here because we’ve lost our purpose in life and have no idea how to find it again.

Well, hopefully that last reason isn’t why you’re here. It was the reason that brought me here, though.

It was back in ol’ 2006, when a young Liam Britten had just had his dreams freshly crushed by the weight of the cold, cold world. I had graduated from high school with a lot of potential; class valedictorian, honour roll, scholarships, the whole shebang. I decided I wanted to pursue a creative lifestyle, but unfortunately I wasn’t really good at much of anything. So, I decided that I’d go ahead and take on a career where my lack of talent would be least detrimental: I wanted to become a film director.

In my mind, it made sense. I can think of plenty of talentless film directors. Michael Bay sucks. Woody Allen has sucked since 1979. Kevin Smith sucks hard and he sucks on a low budget. If those clowns could do it, why not me? I was sure that I had the talent to tell people what to do and give important-sounding interviews. My first feature film was mere weeks away.

Until I went to film school. I knew after the first few months of film school that this was not going to work out. I was surrounded by people who were way smarter and way more creative than me but for some reason, I decided to stick it out for a second semester. Maybe I had become too attached to this goal of mine or maybe I was just unwilling to accept that I couldn’t do it. But I continued into a second semester, where I had the opportunity to direct.

I also got the chance to have a nervous breakdown. No wonder every person I know who works in film tends to be depressed or angry all the time; 18-hour days for months at a time will do that to you. I wound up passing my first year of film school and getting a “certificate” at the end of it, but even though I passed, I had failed.

To make matters worse, I had absolutely no back-up plan to speak of. Instead, I went to work in warehouses. I was able to make do for a while until they put me to work alphabetizing boxes of old x-rays in a warehouse where they were testing fire alarms. If you’ve never had the pleasure of alphabetizing boxes of old x-rays while a fire alarm as loud as an air raid siren blares in your ear every 30 to 45 seconds, I can’t recommend it highly enough; it’ll make you either want to go back to school and improve your life or kill yourself. Either option, by the way, is better than stacking those boxes of x-rays.

So, I chose to improve my life by going to school. I was in the “taking classes” boat for a few semesters, but eventually I started taking Print Futures, a writing program at Douglas, and more important, I joined up here at The Other Press. One of my better decisions, all things considered. Working in publishing has been very rewarding, even if I’ve just been at a college paper and an intern elsewhere. It’s given me something of a purpose.

I hope you, gentle reader, aren’t here out of desperation for a calling or a better life. I hope you already have good things going for you and Douglas is just the first step to the life you really want. But if it is poor circumstances that bring you to this place, I hope you find your education and whatever comes of your education extremely fulfilling.

And if things don’t work out for you, I know a place that needs some x-rays alphabetized.

Your friend in high fidelity,
Liam Britten
Editor in chief
The Other Press